Like a certain tall, brash, tattooed gentleman had done from limited overs cricket, I had decided to retire from blogging so that I could spend more time with my family and also because I thought I should now use my time to do something that gets me more money and appreciation than blogging. Since blogging pays me nothing and one individual can have only that much talent, I decided to try and utilize it for what you would call ‘greener pastures’. I did call a press conference to announce my retirement which no one, including myself, attended because the journalists were busy with trivial matters like the Olympics, the U-19 Cricket World Cup, Roger Federer, Robin Van Persie and so on.
But with time away from the spotlight, while I saw lesser mortals hogging the limelight, I asked myself, “Is this what you want to do? Is this what you are happy doing?” At that point, the recently famous ‘Inner Voice’ told me, “No, the limelight is what you are meant for. Others are not good enough. The fans love you. They want to read your blogs,” and that did it for me. I decided to make an unconditional comeback, to where I truly belong. So, for the greater good of my fans and the world in general, I posted a video on YouTube, carefully making sure that a lighted stick of Cycle Agarbatti is in frame with me and my never-working MiroMax phone is firmly in my palm for all to see (you can never ignore the brands that you endorse, they make you who you are). In that video, I owned up to my mistakes, announced my unflinching loyalty to this blog and set myself up completely and unconditionally, to return to what I love doing (though I will have to watch the video again to check if I used the word ‘Sorry’ in there because I can’t recollect having used it and honestly, I didn’t see the need to do it). Believe me, the video went viral. When I last checked, it had more than 50 hits. Do not get confused. Hits here mean the number of people who hit their screens in despair after watching the video. A couple of them also actually came up to me and tried to hit me in person, but that’s a different story. Along with so many ‘hits’, it also had about 40 dislikes. Damn YouTube for giving that option, but then again everyone has their fair share of critics and I have mine too, so fair play to them. I also suspect a few of my competitors, who were elated by my disappearance, may have a hand in those dislikes. So let’s see what those in authority do about it.
I have always been my own person. I have had my issues with those in power. My employers, who pay me nothing to write this blog, feel that I am too demanding. But given the kind of talent I have, I think I am well within my rights to make a few demands. I am their most talented, best-looking and maximum ‘hits’ generating employee. I feel these are reasons enough for them to give me some special treatment, but apparently they don’t think so. Out of frustration, I texted an old friend cribbing about how thick-skinned and adamant my bosses are. God-knows-how my bosses came to know about it. You can’t rely on friends these days, and of course, not to mention the blood-thirsty media. You see, it is very tough being me. This is a no-good situation and I want to end this soon. I may have been unreasonable and I said ‘Sorry’ (yeah, believe me I did). They know I am the best they have, they have suffered in the past few weeks without me and the downslide has begun. One of the bosses (the one I joked and cribbed about) is about to step down. I knew he would, it was inevitable. The signs were telling. I am ready to go back, kiss and make-up, put the past behind and start the resurge for them and for myself as well. On second thoughts, no kissing but I want to be back all the same. I know I can get the fans back, just like the old times because on my day (or any day actually) I am, at the cost of sounding brash and against my imbibed humility, probably better than all of them put together. Oh! I think I should not have said that. I may have to face some action all over again, even though what I said is true. I am their favorite scapegoat. I am the proverbial and the perennial bad guy. You see, I told you, it is tough being ME!
|The You-Know-Who of English Cricket|
(Disclaimer: This is my two cents on the Kevin Pietersen issue. For the sake of cricket, I hope the issue is sorted out as soon as possible and he is back playing international cricket because for cricket fans all around the world, it is really special to watch KP in action. He is simply too good. Although he has made his fair share of mistakes, it would be great if ECB, Flower, Strauss and KP himself, sort this out like mature adults, end this farce and get KP playing international cricket again. It would indeed be a pity if we have seen the last of Kevin in international cricket. I have made my comeback; I hope KP makes his very soon)